What I Want

Have you ever felt like the world around you had your destiny laid out for you? Like they all believed you were destined to go to that awesome school, be the first one to really make something of yourself, and not be like the rest of the family. I absolutely hate that feeling. I mean, I know it sounds cocky and all but that is exactly how my family is. To them, I have had the upper hand on life compared to them and yea I am not going to lie I have, but why does that define me? I have set up so many goals for myself that I did not accomplish, but honestly, I don’t really think it was ever something I myself really wanted. To be quite honest, sure I would have loved to been admitted to Notre Dame but I wasn’t. Yea I applied to five UC schools, and I didn’t get in. Yes, I was accepted to this school that I am going to now, and apparently it’s a great school, and it gave me $12,000 scholarship a year, but what if it’s not what I want? What if I want something much more simple? What if I baffle everyone’s mind and do the extreme? What if I just walk away from it all and go somewhere no one would ever expect me to go, a community college. What is so bad about them anyways? I always had made them out to be nothing more than a high school with a title on it but I’ve seen so many people come out of COD or any community college for that matter and make something of themselves. Why can’t I do it too? I’ll tell you why! It’s because I’ve always been expected to do better. What’s better though? Isn’t going to college already better than 50% of my high school? Moving out of my house to a different community college with different people a new life on my own, that’s different that 75% of my family. Yea at one point I wanted to these schools but now I just want it something else. Honestly, I feel like I’m settling for Cal Lutheran because why am I going to turn down this “great school that gave me a scholarship” for a community college, because I have better plans! I want to start out small and end big and my first dream school and from there I want to go to Law School, and from there who knows! Sure become an attorney but why stop there?!? No one will understand my logic they will just say, you can do all that with Cal Lutheran, but honestly it’s just not the same. How come everyone gets to pick the campus that when they step foot on it they know that’s where they belong, but me, when I know it doesn’t feel right, I have to do it anyway? For once, I would like the opportunity to just be different, I did what my parents wanted me to in high school but I would like to make my own choices. What I want, is my future to happen the way I want it to happen but you know what, it isn’t going to happen the way I want it because I hate letting people down, and that’s exactly what I would be doing. I would be letting every single person that has expected so much of me down, and that is a much worse feeling than getting those rejection letters from the colleges I was expected to go to. Much worse.

*Ashley*