$12,000 a year
4 years.
$48,000 saved.
Picking a school, is something I never thought would be so hard, I mean it’s college, and the fact that I am going to college is all that matters. I feel as I am in a constant circle for picking a college when in all reality I have three schools to choose from: Loyola University Chicago, University of Kansas, and California Lutheran University. Three different states and three great schools. They all have their pros and cons, they all have something in store for me if I attend. I realize college is expensive and though some of you may think that my family has “money in the bank”, it certainly does not sum up to the amount to pay for college, make 4 house payments, 2 car payments, and all other bills included. $48,000 is a lot of money, and I realize that it is not something that should be let go of lightly. There are consequences for the decisions I make and I have to deal with all of them. It has come down to the point where I feel money is controlling my life, when in fact the very people who told me money is everything, have suddenly let it come to be the ultimate deciding factor in what I do with my life. I hate it, and I think that is my motive for not wanting Cal Lutheran. I should want a school where I can play softball, have a close relationship with the teachers, be in a safe town, and be minutes away from Hollywood and all other cities people would die to be close to. It is a school near a place where dreams come true or lives get ruined, but in my case, where dreams come true because I am being positive about it.
WHY DON’T I WANT TO GO THERE THOUGH? I say it’s because there is no energy and the atmosphere is just weak to me, but is that really it? I feel as though it really is the money that is controlling my life. It’s funny though because if I were to get into an even better school than Cal Lutheran which is probably Loyola or a different one, with no scholarship then my parents would tell me to go. After talking with that very intelligent older woman in my life, Steph, I realized what the problem is. I will get to that problem later but lets first examine the other school that interest me and not because someone mentioned it to me.
Loyola, wow that would be a fantastic experience wouldn’t it? A city where buildings are much bigger than fives stories, where the streets are always busy and the night is forever young. A city where the leaves change color, snow falls on the ground, and there is vast diversity of people. A place, that is something I have never known, it isn’t California. It isn’t the hourly drive to beach or where the sun is always shining, it is different, it’s an experience. It something different, and something that can help me prove I am ready to start walking a road where I have no idea will lead. It is the first step in my transition of becoming independent, if I stay in California, I will still depend on my parents. I want to prove to them I can survive on my own, something they think I can’t do. I usually don’t take risks but I feel this is the time and place to take them and make something of it. Prove to every person that has told me I won’t survive, that I can and will survive.
So, what is the problem then Ashley, you know what you want and don’t want and you have a decision somewhat sort of made. Thanks to Steph as I said before I know what my problem is. My problem is not that I don’t like the schools I have been accepted to or even that I am holding out for other schools. The problem lies much deeper than that. The words that came out of her mouth into my ear that day have been reverberating every day since then.
“You just aren’t ready to commit to a school yet.”
How right she was. Once I commit to a school, it’s done. I wait until graduation, graduate, go to grad night, enjoy the last few months with the friends I won’t see until breaks, and start my new life. A new chapter. The chapter that I have been afraid of since I was little. It’s the one where I am an adult now. It’s the chapter that I fear I will never finishing writing because I will fail. Every school is perfect for me. The problem is, I am scared.
4 years.
$48,000 saved.
Picking a school, is something I never thought would be so hard, I mean it’s college, and the fact that I am going to college is all that matters. I feel as I am in a constant circle for picking a college when in all reality I have three schools to choose from: Loyola University Chicago, University of Kansas, and California Lutheran University. Three different states and three great schools. They all have their pros and cons, they all have something in store for me if I attend. I realize college is expensive and though some of you may think that my family has “money in the bank”, it certainly does not sum up to the amount to pay for college, make 4 house payments, 2 car payments, and all other bills included. $48,000 is a lot of money, and I realize that it is not something that should be let go of lightly. There are consequences for the decisions I make and I have to deal with all of them. It has come down to the point where I feel money is controlling my life, when in fact the very people who told me money is everything, have suddenly let it come to be the ultimate deciding factor in what I do with my life. I hate it, and I think that is my motive for not wanting Cal Lutheran. I should want a school where I can play softball, have a close relationship with the teachers, be in a safe town, and be minutes away from Hollywood and all other cities people would die to be close to. It is a school near a place where dreams come true or lives get ruined, but in my case, where dreams come true because I am being positive about it.
WHY DON’T I WANT TO GO THERE THOUGH? I say it’s because there is no energy and the atmosphere is just weak to me, but is that really it? I feel as though it really is the money that is controlling my life. It’s funny though because if I were to get into an even better school than Cal Lutheran which is probably Loyola or a different one, with no scholarship then my parents would tell me to go. After talking with that very intelligent older woman in my life, Steph, I realized what the problem is. I will get to that problem later but lets first examine the other school that interest me and not because someone mentioned it to me.
Loyola, wow that would be a fantastic experience wouldn’t it? A city where buildings are much bigger than fives stories, where the streets are always busy and the night is forever young. A city where the leaves change color, snow falls on the ground, and there is vast diversity of people. A place, that is something I have never known, it isn’t California. It isn’t the hourly drive to beach or where the sun is always shining, it is different, it’s an experience. It something different, and something that can help me prove I am ready to start walking a road where I have no idea will lead. It is the first step in my transition of becoming independent, if I stay in California, I will still depend on my parents. I want to prove to them I can survive on my own, something they think I can’t do. I usually don’t take risks but I feel this is the time and place to take them and make something of it. Prove to every person that has told me I won’t survive, that I can and will survive.
So, what is the problem then Ashley, you know what you want and don’t want and you have a decision somewhat sort of made. Thanks to Steph as I said before I know what my problem is. My problem is not that I don’t like the schools I have been accepted to or even that I am holding out for other schools. The problem lies much deeper than that. The words that came out of her mouth into my ear that day have been reverberating every day since then.
“You just aren’t ready to commit to a school yet.”
How right she was. Once I commit to a school, it’s done. I wait until graduation, graduate, go to grad night, enjoy the last few months with the friends I won’t see until breaks, and start my new life. A new chapter. The chapter that I have been afraid of since I was little. It’s the one where I am an adult now. It’s the chapter that I fear I will never finishing writing because I will fail. Every school is perfect for me. The problem is, I am scared.
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