Is it worth the risk?

November 22, 2005 - Mistake?
August 12, 2006 - So much for my happy ending
Senior Year following October 14th, 2006 - realization of November 22, 2005 being a MAJOR mistake....


or was it?

THE PAST
So, let's go back through the high school years [I can say that now...haha]. There was this boy that caught my eye and was in 3 of my classes freshmen year. Not only did I see him at school but I saw him outside of school at my dad's work. Well I liked him as a friend at first. He made me laugh. He listened. He was just one of those guys you get along with easily. The year goes on and I like him as more than a friend. He dates my friend for 9 months and neither of them ever knew how I felt. pretty torturous. Well about 5 months into it, my friend confronts me about it in PE one day well more like our friend shouting across the pool while I was walking, "YOU LIKE DARREN DON'T YOU ASHLEY?!!?" ....oh boy. So yea, well they broke up and we were still good friends and that's where it all started. Sophomore year, Mrs. Hoff's English II HP class in P-11. We sat next to each other always talked I gave him rides home even though I wasn't supposed to be driving people and we became closer. Still always the friend I wanted him to be. He was always there for anything. I mean the boy just liked to talk to me and I liked to talk to him. Even though bringing the cop stuff up always got on my nerves, but I sat there like any other crushing girl listening as if I wanted to listen to him so willingly. So the summer rolls around, we go to the movies a few times and everyone sees it. The friendship is no longer a friendship it's something more. Something more that I knew, was coming at the wrong time, but still I went for it and so did he...we both did it so reluctantly. Well Junior year came and with it being out in the open that we were "talking", here came the part that would be hard. Junior year begins the start of the hectic life of an IB Diploma student, which he was. I was caught up in ASB stuff 24/7 from September to October and school that I could only imagine what it was like for him. Well he did everything I wanted him to. I even tried not to ask for his help but for some reason God wanted it that way. I locked my keys in my truck on a Saturday morning at the school when we were building the float and I called EVERY single number in my phone and NO ONE answered [my parents were out of town]. So, I finally called his, and of course he answered. I woke him up and explained my situation [I tried to let him go first] and he said give me fifteen minutes and I'll be there. Let's just say that was embarrassing so then he was called my Prince Charming saving me...lol. Well we went and saw the midnight premiere of harry potter with our friends and of course he called and offered to pick me up...the boy went and asked my dad at work if it was ok he took me for crying out loud...TALK ABOUT EFFORT. sooo lets just say out of all the times we had together there wer about 15 times he could have asked me out and about 8 that he could have asked me to homecoming, but my oh my he just would not do it. So it came down to me asking him [lame] but let's just say I was yelled at in Red Robin that if I didn't do it they didn't want to here me complain when someone else asked him. So we go to Homecoming together and it was fun, and he was more than I could ask for that night. Well I liked him, he was my best guy friend that I had crushed on and off through out high school, and November 22,2005 he asked me to be his girl friend. Now I knew he was going to ask because some blond friend of mine decided to email me the conversation. So that whole two weeks I was thinking...do you really want to do this? I am putting friendship at risk...is it worth it?

THE PRESENT.
After we broke up on August 12, 2006 which took about ohhh 2 and a half hours to do. We still had the rest of summer and everything seemed like we were still going to be best friends we promised each other....oh but of course things don't always go according to plan now do they? NOPE. School starts and it's nothing but drama once everyone finds out. So it starts with rumors. Then comes homecoming and then comes the Nikko problems...it just get worse through out the year, nikko being like my best friend through all of junior year goes on a date with him. He starts talking badly about me so I start back. It just goes down hill to where we are not speaking and pretty much have a strong dislike for each other. As of this summer [2007] we are finally talking and trying to get back to hanging out like normal, but it is never going to be the same.

WAS IT WORTH IT?

I lost something that I looked forward to. I think I would have been perfectly fine with crushing on him till this day when I went off to college and he no longer mattered. I looked forward to just talking with him, listening to him, making fun of him, seeing him at things with the cops, and just being his friend. I lost all of that because I took a risk. I had the chance I wanted and I took it. I took it and never thought about the consequences after I said. OF COURSE! I don't have that really good guy friend anymore because of how much we went through this year. We lost trust in each other. You can't have a friendship without trust. Our AIM conversations are three minutes compared to the hours they were before. It drives me insane. I took a risk and I'm glad I did because how else would I have ever known. I took a risk that put me in a bad position later on. I took a risk because it was time for it. So was losing him completely worth that risk? At times I think ABSOLUTELY. and at other times I think...WHY DID I DO THAT?!? but you know what. I wouldn't take those nine months back for anything. They were hell at some times but when they were good...they were AMAZING. Had they always been great then I wouldn't feel so badly about all this but they were always that great. But I realized something, our break up was him being the good person that I loved. He was busy. He wished he had more time in the day to spend it with me. "You deserve to be with someone who can be there for you, more than I can". Takes a lot for people to admit that don't you think? In due time if God wants it that way, our friendship will come back. It will be easier now without the high school drama. When that day comes. I'll let ya know. Happily :)
-Branches [just cuz it's our thing]