Never Falling Short of Disappointment

Just when I thought, giving them a chance to prove to me things would be different, they still prove to me that in my final months before I leave, they truly can’t make time for me. It’s funny because Elysia has always asked me many times before for important things in my life, “Why don’t you invite your parents?” This is exactly why: for some reason, if I include them, they always have something more important to do. All I wanted was my mom to be there with me for my pictures, I mean, that’s what she is supposed to do right? Be there to help me get ready and change outfits and fix them for me. These are my SENIOR PORTRAITS….why is it so difficult for her to be there. It is a good thing they are pictures, because then she would miss it all together wouldn’t she. So as though I am making it sound like she wasn’t there, she was very much so. The fact that she left early was understandable but to come home to, “Now your sister is mad at me because I am late for the candle meeting [being held at our house] because you wouldn’t let me leave, I can never please both of you.” That was the last straw I had it. I am sick and tired of my sister doing this, she has her own life, her own family, she got all of the attention until she went to college, can I just have what’s left of “my time”. NO of course not! I seriously stood up to my mom this time, and yea sure I should not have said it but I did, I said, “Yea, well sorry, I just thought maybe this was more important, did you mention your OTHER daughter is graduating soon.” I mean, I guess it’s not that important. I am sorry that I ruin your plans, and that I need your help. When I need your help you complain and don’t have time, when you want to give me help, I don’t want it. It’s a continuous circle. Person after person, including my own family says go to Chicago, you know the more they say it the more I think they are just pushing me away. I don’t need to go to Chicago for you to push me away, I can be pushed as far as LA. I don’t need people who don’t need me. I mean, as for my family, that is a lost cause, they pushed me away in seventh grade when it didn’t seem important to pick me up from school on time, or getting home before it got dark. Showing up to softball games, that became unlikely. Even driving me to them, that was a joke. Wow, I remember when they took me to every softball game and practice and watched every game, always there. They never let anything get in the way of watching me play. What happened? We moved to a place where work suddenly became more important to my parents, so “I could have everything I have.” I would F****** take it all back to have what I use to have, but guess what its too late, I await being disappointed.